How to walk like a toddler

Owen and I took such a delicious walk around the pond near our house the other day that I thought I would give you instructions in case you want to replicate it for yourself. Here we go:

1. Walk really fast. But remember that your legs are only a foot long so you'll actually be moving quite slowly by world standards.
2. As you walk, swing your arms back and forth and clap your hands in front. 
3. Pick up every stick you find along the way. Put it in your mouth. Suck on it. 
4. Fidget when someone gets worried about you sucking on the stick and tries to fish the pieces of bark out of your mouth. Clench your teeth. Don't let them get it.
5. Take a perverse interest in the goose poop that litters the path. Stop and reach down to touch it, like it would be the most delicious paté you've ever tasted, until someone moves your hand away. 
6. Walk over to the homeless man sleeping on the park bench. Stare at him. Keep staring at him. 
7. Smile whenever your see a doggie approaching. Stop and pet the doggie. Let him (or her) lick your nose. Scrunch up your nose and giggle when they do. Pat their back. Nice doggie.
8. Babble as you keep walking. Tug at your diaper. Make up riddles and songs that nobody understands but you. 
9. Stop whenever a bus goes by. Watch the people get off the bus wearing their work clothes. Watch them look both ways for traffic, then walk across the cross walk and head for home.
10. Stare at every jogger that approaches. Study their stride. Slowly rotate 180 degrees as they pass by. Watch them go until they're just a tiny speck on the horizon.
11. Walk up to a bush of flowers. Pull off a leaf. Stick it in your mouth. Suck on it. Clench your teeth when someone tries to fish it out. Don't let them get it. 
12. Run when you see a fountain in the distance. Put your hand in the water. Lean over so far that you're about to fall in. Sit on the side and put your feet in the water. Kick hard until you and everyone around you are soaking wet. 
13. Get excited about another doggie and misjudge an incline on the path. Trip over your feet and fall flat on your face. Cry really hard. Feel yourself get picked up. Listen to the person crooning in your ear that you're okay. 
14. When you are done crying, wiggle until you are set down on the ground and run ahead. Ignore that annoying person who keeps calling your name. Stop whenever you come upon a group of people. Stare blankly when they tell you how cute you are. Don't smile, no matter how much they try to cajole you to. 
15. When you get tired, stop and put your arms up. Someone bigger than you will scoop you up and carry you the rest of the way home.