When Dave moved in after we got engaged, it was a pretty seamless transition (sorry, Heather). There were no wagon wheel coffee table arguments like in "When Harry Met Sally." And Dave quickly took over all the cooking, including making my lunch every day. I haven't met a woman yet who doesn't cock her head to the side and say, "Ahhhhh..." when I tell them that.
But upon further reflection, I realized something did feel different. For the first time in my life, I was officially off the market. When I talked to male coworkers, I noticed I no longer sized them up or wondered what they thought of me. At parties, my head chatter about my perceived sex appeal stopped. Not that I didn't care about my appearance anymore. I assure you, my vanity is well intact. But I was free from the mental circling and sniffing of the dating/mating game. It was a welcomed relief.
One of my biggest fears about getting married was that once you made the commitment, all the love, levity and compatibility you felt during the courtship would somehow wear off. That we'd start taking each other for granted, getting on each others nerves, bickering in front of other people, wondering where we'd gone wrong. The product of a 15-year union that ended in a bitter divorce, I feared that some unforeseen force of life would derail us.
In a series of flashbacks, he serenades her with a ukulele, she tap dances for him in the doorway of a shop. They kiss passionately on the bus, in the back of a taxi and walking along the Brooklyn Bridge. They run backwards down the street together, giggling. He is holding a sign that says, "Is this you???"
In the present day, he has a receding hairline, paints houses for a living and starts drinking by 8 a.m. She has dark roots, drives a minivan and wears scrubs to her job as a medical technician (she'd aspired to be a doctor but an unplanned pregnancy put an end to that). She cringes when he tries to kiss her. He busts into her work and punches her boss. They rent a room at a themed hotel and drink to oblivion. But no amount of vodka can bring back what they had or get them out of this mess.
As the movie ends (badly, of course), Dave and I sit frozen on the couch, shell shocked. When the credits end, Dave turns towards me and envelopes me in a hug.
"It's not us," Dave says as the screen goes dark.
"What?" I say, not getting his reference at first. I realize I've been holding my breath. "Oh...yeah."
We kiss.
Slowly, I let my breath out. I shake it off. I look into his trusting eyes and know he's right.
I should hope not!
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, yeah, the movie reminds you of the fragility of relationships. They must be maintained. I can't remember what other movie this is from -- Flirting With Disaster I think -- where the quote is somewhere along the lines of "If marriage were easy it wouldn't mean anything to be married." Yep. So it's a good lesson for us all to remember not to judge a relationship by what's easy -- judge it by what works. (Or what's easy more often than it's hard, at least.)
Awwww!!!
ReplyDeleteNot that that movie was in my Netflix queue, but now fer shur it will never be.
Dave is right!
marriage is the ultimate test of free will. a never ending challenge with the potential for never ending rewards, depending on how your exercise that free will.
ReplyDeletehere's to continued connection, collaboration and joy in your marriage.